Forgiveness

I believe that forgiveness is a powerful and important part of life.  I know that when you forgive, you let go of all of the turmoil and negativity that you have attached to that person or event that caused you pain.  Without forgiveness you keep that past alive along with all of the hard feelings and hardships.  Forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for you.  It also doesn't mean that you are okay with someone hurting you or that you will allow them to be a repeat offender.  Forgiveness means that you have the ability to see the situation from a healthy perspective and that you are able to surrender, knowing you are not in control of other people at all.  Forgiveness creates a sense of pride, a lighter heart, a sense of comfort...it also allows the person who hurt you to be impacted in a different way.  This is how positivity creates a ripple effect and creates an outcome that is more beautiful than you would have imagined!  This is all true, but a story may be more poignant than this explanation. So, story time....

My parents divorced when I was not yet two years old.  There was domestic violence, substance abuse, and in general my parents were young and did the best they could with the resources they had.  Shortly thereafter, my parents both remarried and my mom moved my sister and I out of state.  Lots of fighting between my parents began over visitation.  At first, we saw my dad and step-mom every summer and during the holidays.  Before long, we saw him less regularly and then when I was about ten all communication with my dad stopped.  This was difficult, although I knew that many kids went through it, and at least I had my sister to share the experience with.

Fast forward about nine years and you'd find me at college.  I was dealing with a lot within my family of origin and I was self-destructing pretty rapidly in the party scene at school.  I wanted to hurt...and I did.  At this time, I decided to contact my dad.  I had questions...I was curious, and I was angry.  As you can imagine, the contact with my dad was tumultuous and short-lived.  I was very impressed by his sorrow and regret regarding our estranged relationship, however, I could not let go of my anger at that time.  I had no intention of forgiving him.  I certainly contributed to this failed attempt to know my dad.  I remember asking him why he hit my mom and he said that it wasn't that bad, because he never used a closed fist.  I was mortified and disappointed.  I vowed to never talk to him again.  As you can imagine, my path to self-destruction became more serious.

Fast forward another decade or so and I was doing much better.  I was married with a sweet daughter and my darling son on the way.  My husband...my best friend...and I were taking good care of each other, and I was beginning to learn how to take good care of myself.  This is when my sister and I got the phone call that I was always nervous about receiving.  My uncle was on the line letting us know that our dad had suffered a major heart attack and was in the hospital in critical condition.  My heart sank as his struggled to keep him alive.  Was this really how my story with my dad would end?  I was overwhelmed and not able to go visit him.  My sister and I decided to send flowers...a decision that I knew was wrong.  I felt disappointed in myself and I knew that somewhere inside of me there must be more courage.  I could not find forgiveness.

After this, there was no more contact with my uncle.  My sister and I were left not knowing if he had survived or what his health was like. I hoped in my heart that I would have been contacted if there was a funeral, but the not-knowing was something that was always hard for me.

At this time, I began to focus on myself in a whole new way.  I was learning things in graduate school that I am passionate about, AND I stumbled upon The Principles of Mind, Thought and Consciousness.  This is what really began to transform me into a happier person, a wiser person, a better mom, a more fulfilled wife, a courageous daughter and a trailblazer for my sister.  All of a sudden one day, with this healthier outlook, not knowing my dad didn't make sense anymore.  I found myself writing him a letter.  I can remember that I had no expectations and now attachment to our past.  I had the sole purpose of reaching out to him in order to express peace and forgiveness.  I wanted him to know that I thought about him often and that when I did I always thought of him with kindness. Without a second thought, I mailed it, and I felt sure that nothing would come of it.  The letter was really for me.  I was not attached at all to any outcome.  I felt so good!  I knew I was following my instincts and the most peaceful feelings came over me.

What happened next truly illustrates the power of forgiveness.  My dad and I became pen-pals.  We sent each other photos and got to know each other.  Because of what I had understood about The Principles, I didn't let our conversations on the phone or in our letters be about the past, and I quickly stopped the guilt and shame that my dad felt the need to express.  In addition, my mother was supportive and very proud of me.  It hit me right in the heart to see that she could put her personal thinking aside in order to support me in something that was so important to me.  My sister also benefited from my act of bravery...this is the ripple effect that forgiveness creates!  She is not ready herself to know our dad, but she has been thrilled to read my letters, see the photos of him, and hear all about her dad.

The ending of this story is not really the ending at all, but it is beautiful.  Last week, my dad came to visit.  The man I thought I'd never know was right here in my living room.  My kids know their grandpa...and they love him.  My dad looks like me and my kids look like him.  My heart is full and I am so proud of myself.  The visit was overwhelming and we were all nervous, but it was probably one of the most amazing things that I've created just simply by having a healthy mindset.  It was so fun to learn about my dad, my step-mom & step-brothers, my grandparents, and cousins.  It was also really cool to see how, even though we missed out on a big chunk of each others lives, we actually knew each other quite well on a deeper level.  At the end of the trip we were both exhausted, but full of joy.  He let me know that he is proud of me and that he loves me.  I didn't know how good this would feel, but I can tell you that I am choked up even now as I type.  This feeling of forgiveness was the start to something so extraordinary.  A family was reunited, and it all came from knowing about The Principles so that forgiveness made sense, while holding a grudge became senseless.

Who can you forgive in your life?  Who can you see as innocent rather than guilty?  We're all spinning around on this earth together & I urge you to remember how much we are all alike, rather than focusing on the issues from the past that pull us apart.  I guarantee you that beautiful things await you when you find yourself in the feeling of forgiveness.  Don't be afraid to take that leap of faith!