Sunday, September 8, 2013

Just Below the Story We Tell

Isn't it strange how much we know if only we ask ourselves instead of somebody else?”
~Richard Bach, Illusions

It just occurred to new wisdom does. It was 3:00 am and I was woken up by my cat. The next thing I was aware of was my hands. They were neatly folded across my stomach and as I stared at them I noticed how perfectly they fit together. How easily I can hold my own hands & how absolutely comfortable it was. During this moment of foggy-eyed insight I was aware of how much we are made to take good care of ourselves. With ease our body knows ways that sooth & calm. We don't have to think about it, because its natural.

Later that same morning, I was again half awake. That beautiful time when you find yourself between sleep and awake. It occurred to me that my tongue was pressed against the roof of my mouth in a way that it rarely is during my fully awake moments. It reminded me of kittens, puppies or infants when they sleep. I've seen this before and it looks so cozy. This was the first time I noticed that I too do this.

As my brain started to wake up I began to make meaning of these things I had noticed.  It got me thinking of how hard-wired we are for well being and good feelings. When we shut off our endless dialogue of personal thought for the night, our body goes into a natural state of care.

This means something in our waking hours too! This natural care system does not require sleep for access. It does not require anything because it just is. I'll admit that this was not new information for me. I knew already that I hold all the answers to my own questions. I knew already that I am really the only thing that can limit me. I knew already that I can take really good care of myself when things outside of me become turbulent. However, these recent insights came at just the right time & now this old information had a new truthiness to it.

This summer I found myself repeatedly in the situation of feeling hurt by others. Do I speak up or not? The answer that kept coming to me was to stop planning and just respond with love in the moment. This part of the experience has been freeing and has felt right, but outcomes would not be described with such adjectives. :)

At some point I began to feel quite disappointed and ultimately a little alone. I was feeling that reaching out and then not getting a pleasant response meat a lot about me and my future. I began building my walls, a task that I knew well. I began to feel that I had a lot of work to do and that a lot of obstacles were in my path. Life felt hard and unfair.

Once I became aware of these feelings, I knew my thoughts had run wild. I'm thankful to know this much.  The storyline felt old, although I had filled it with brand new events. Some of the characters were the same, but I had created a sequel. With this reminder in my sight, I could not take my “reality” so seriously and I began to focus on outside things less. Within a few hours I was no longer checking my cell endlessly for some outside response that would change everything. I no longer was waiting or searching.

Instead, I became a little bit more mindful about how I was creating. I saw that the unwelcome experiences actually brought me a lot of clarity and that nothing had actually changed except my perception. I started noticing my own happiness and I began connecting with other people more. I was back to myself & I learned again that nothing in life can really touch this ability I have to see and create beautiful things.This is not just true for me, but for everyone.

This is why the comfort I found in my own body-wisdom during my early morning moments was so meaningful. I had journeyed far away from my true self into a world of harsh and endless personal thought, and upon return I was met with encouragement. I was aware suddenly of the simple ways in which I am not only okay, but absolutely perfect. I was reminded that being uncomfortable is okay...a sign of growth & that I know how to create comfort whenever I need it. I'm a firm believer that we are met with exactly what we need if only our eyes are open. It's been quite a blessing to re-remember all of the simple truths that surround us only waiting to be seen.