tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84212836461994120842024-03-13T23:24:12.586-07:00The Answers You Seek Are Right Where You StandWisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-64913465196570367802014-04-09T22:59:00.000-07:002014-04-09T22:59:13.777-07:00Heal Thy SelfI thought I knew the key players in my game. I thought I knew the path and the destination. I had a plan that was outside of my awareness...until I began to feel that things weren't going <i>my way</i>. When I heard myself feeling this way, it woke me up. <br />
<br />
"My way"...this was the problem. Life was not unfolding according to <i>my ideas</i> of the future. People were not acting as <i>I thought</i> they should. Opportunities were not coming my way as <i>they needed to</i>. Life began to feel hard, sad...I began to feel discouraged, withdrawn. <br />
<br />
I started to notice that small acts of kindness felt far and few between, but meant a lot to me. I needed a boost, a pep talk, a friend & I was looking for them all around. I realized I was at a familiar and uncomfortable place...the place right where & when change is possible. I was tempted to feel concerned about my feeling state. I was tempted to dig my heals in and force life into my plan. But these ideas felt old and worn out...not good enough. <br />
<br />
Instead I acknowledged my mood. I allowed my place in time to feel like it did. I got quiet. I got an insight...I can't and don't need to change the players, the plot, the path or the destination. Life is just unfolding as it should in a totally neutral and natural way. It wasn't the events that were problematic, it was my "should's" and "supposed to's" that were creating a lot of grief for me. I had forgotten that I get to decide what I create, believe, hold on to, make meaning of. <br />
<br />
There is a certain freedom and expansion that comes with knowing this...seeing this...as you stand at the edge of a cliff you never intended to visit. The honesty of truly knowing that you don't know leaves you open to all things. There is an excitement and playful curiosity in this kind of re-setting. There is a rejuvenation in the fact that life is an adventure and formless perfection. Its the <i>fitting life into our form</i> that creates hardships. Suddenly the cliff is an adventure and you realize you have all the gear you need to conquer it in stellar style. <br />
<br />
As I look out at my reality now I'm so much more aware that I'm really looking in. All that there is to see and experience is beautiful, powerful, just right in its true state. My ability to question what I'm believing and experiencing has been re-awoken and life looks different in an instant. Suddenly I do not have to "change" myself or anyone else. I don't have to carry the hard-feelings, disappointment, or control. My job looks very different, and comes with a different feeling.<br />
<br />
My "work" is to remember who's doing the seeing. My job is to stay open to and aware of my path as it unfolds, which is so much more fun than mapping out a plan and then feverishly fitting it into what unfolds.<br />
<br />
I kept remembering as I struggled that I wanted to at least be graceful if I could not be grateful at that time. BUT, I knew that gratitude was where I really wanted to be. Thank goodness I knew enough to not try to be grateful, but to instead be quiet. All it took to re-light my excitement and curiosity was to be willing to hear and follow what came to me.<br />
<br />
This is such a gift to know how to adjust and to be reminded that I do not need anyone or anything to do this. We are created in such a self-sufficient and empowering way. AND we are also hardwired to connect with others. It's no surprise then, that as I re-learned how to navigate, I began to see others without such harsh edges. As I changed the grip I had on my perspective, the appearance of the world (and the people in it) also changed. <br />
<br />
It comes down to respecting the source more than the personal thinking that we endlessly create. It also comes down to awareness so that we have the wherewithal to question the story we have created. No one else can do this for us...we must and get to heal thy self!Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-10025031431234532382014-01-27T20:58:00.000-08:002014-01-27T20:58:22.132-08:00"Worry is a misuse of imagination"This beautiful quote by Dan Zadra is one I stumbled onto about a year ago. I loved it instantly and began to apply it to my life. The application was a practice of sorts...I'd remember the quote when I noticed myself fretting. This would help me remember that <u><b>I</b></u> am making it all up when I plan the future, and then <u><b>I'm</b></u> believing my story and feeling the effects of it. This application was helpful, but mostly when I had already began to regain my footing. During the height of my concern or worry, this application did not serve me beyond simply distracting me from my thinking for long enough for new/healthier thinking to come along as an option. This is not nothing, but there is more.<br />
<br />
There's a difference between application of an understanding, and implications. Implications go beyond intellect to <i>knowing</i>. For me, moving into implications of how I use my thinking, awareness and insights has meant a willingness to see it everywhere and in everyone. This has been most evident and measurable in terms of how seriously I take my feelings of worry and panic when they hit. Let me explain...<br />
<br />
I am not by nature a worrier. I don't usually find myself in a worried state automatically and tend to be fairly optimistic about the present and future. However, I do have a kryptonite. It's become very apparent to me over the last month or two. The thing that sends me straight into worry that is both automatic and intense is when my kids are not doing well physically. It's scary to me & my thinking feels real so fast. This is very clear to me because over the last month one of my kids has had a broken shoulder, the flu and head lice. My other child got a severe earache that had him in the emergency room and urgent care with complications for a week. <br />
<br />
As hard as I tried, I could not think my way to a happy place for long. I was faint, nauseated and not well. Don't get me wrong, I stepped up and did everything my kids needed, but I also felt at times that I was barely hangin' on myself. At one point...I think it was when I found out about the lice...I felt too exhausted to combat my worry. Too exhausted to look into the future and gauge all of the jobs that were required and all of the things that could go wrong. <br />
<br />
Instead I just became willing to see the bigger picture. It felt like this happened despite the state I was in. As if some part of me led the way & this tired part of me just followed. From here I could see how silly and consuming my worry was. Because of what I understand about the Three Principles of Mind, Thought & Consciousness, there were implications for me. I could not take my worrisome thinking seriously anymore. It seemed so rudimentary and close-minded that for me to believe in it would be ridiculous. I no longer felt I was trying to put my thinking into an understanding, but instead (& quite naturally) my understanding was allowing me to see the nature of my thinking. New thinking was suddenly full of gratitude and compassion for those who had more to worry about than I do. New feelings of capability and calm washed over me. <br />
<br />
This is what has helped me in a sustainable way as life continues to bring new opportunities to worry about my kids and their physical health. This <i>knowing</i> about how life experience is created at each turn in the road has nothing to do with trying or recalling, but instead has to do with tuning in to the powerful source of well-being that we are. At first it can feel like it requires a great leap of faith to listen to the direction of your own mind. We can get used to listening to all the hardship we create, but when we believe less in the reality we've created, we automatically are open to where we really belong. You just find yourself there with what you need to move forward. <br />
<br />
This following album insert seems to speak to this idea of where our thinking can take us, the wiser part of us that never goes anywhere during these times, and how time changes what we see: <br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"This record is about waiting for things, and boredom, and over analysis, and angst, and all that. But it's also about bravery, about confidence, hatred and love. I poured my brain and heart into this, and maybe I'll hate it in two years, because that's the nature of being my age, but for now, it's the most powerful thing I can give." ~ Lorde</blockquote>
<br />
My wish for you is that you use your imagination to create and experience life as you wish to...And when you create something that feels more like a nightmare, may you never loose sight of the bigger you who sees beyond whatever you're currently creating. Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-56732423457390263662013-10-21T18:40:00.002-07:002013-10-21T18:40:38.996-07:00Modern Day Medicine WomanMost of you who are reading this know me for my dedication and focus
on mental health and well-being. My life’s work is to spread an
understanding of the Three Principles so as to plant the seed of
peace-of-mind all along my path. I enjoy doing this and I also enjoy
walking the walk, so to speak. My passion for this understanding comes
from the heart because knowing how we all navigate…how we all come home
to & also stray away from our natural state of well-being…has
changed every faucet of my life. There is not a corner, a nook or a
cranny that has not been impacted by my awareness of this
understanding. I am grateful and feel compelled to share.<br />
There has been, however, one nook…one cranny that has been left
untended. This piece of the puzzle, like all other pieces, benefits
greatly from understanding how we each choose our perspective. This
understanding of the Three Principles still applies and is still useful
and relevant here. This piece, though, was a consistent obstacle. I
had become increasingly aware of the effort it was taking to adjust my
attitude around this nook & cranny.<br />
The piece I’m speaking of is physical health. The actual health of
the body. Mine has been poor for years and I’d like to explain in case
you don’t know me well enough to understand what I’m referring to. I
have suffered from chronic neck, back and shoulder pain due to three
major car accidents…one per decade since I was 15. In addition, I have
had unexplained bouts of nausea for about six years, which no one has
been able to treat. Over the last two years I also began having more
frequent and more intense migraines. As a result, I have been to the
doctors a lot, was on a handful of medications & was not finding
solutions, but instead remedies for when the pain hit. I was finding
some relief in visits to my acupuncturist and my massage therapist, but
could not afford the amount of office visits I really needed to walk
around feeling well. In short, each day began and ended with pain &
I was rising above it quite well. I feel proud of this fact, AND I
still believed that a solution was out there waiting for my awareness.<br />
Then one day about a month ago, POOF! The answer I had been waiting
for. My sister-in-law, a total health nut, wanted me to know about a
line of naturopathic supplements that she had been on. They had
“changed her life.” To be honest, she had talked about it once before
to me and I was not a listener at the time. But now, with the
progression of my symptoms and with my kids getting used to finding me
in bed, she had a listener! As I listened to my Mind, I felt sure that
this was where my awareness needed to be.<br />
I was skeptical, but I also loved the idea of filling all of my cells
with nutrients from mother nature herself. As I researched and found
that the scientist behind these products had spent over 50,000 hours
both in the lab and around the world in indigenous populations for the
sole purpose of offering healing to western society, it became an easy
decision.<br />
I began taking a handful of all natural supplements about a month ago
& I cannot tell you the results I’ve had. No migraines. No
nausea. No more medications. Restful nights where I’m dreaming again.
My chronic pain has drastically diminished. I’ve lost weight. I have
energy. I feel fabulous! Of course, every body is different so I’m not
guaranteeing these exact results for you. All I can do is tell my
story and try to share these products with like-minded people whom I
care about.<br />
I had gotten so used to not feeling well that contrast I’m
experiencing has me very excited and amazed! I’m on a total health
revolution & I truly feel that between my understanding of the Three
Principles and my new understanding of physical wellness, I am able to
treat mind, body & soul completely. I am a modern day medicine
woman & I’d love to share what I’ve found with you.<br />
If I’ve peaked your interest follow the link below & please be in touch. xo Cory<br />
<a href="http://www.genesispure.com/cory" target="_blank">www.genesispure.com/cory</a>Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-84429578083044881562013-09-08T15:00:00.001-07:002013-09-08T15:00:58.690-07:00Just Below the Story We Tell
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
“<i>Isn't it strange how much we know
if only we ask ourselves instead of somebody else?”</i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i>~Richard Bach, Illusions</i></div>
</blockquote>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
It just occurred to me...as new wisdom
does. It was 3:00 am and I was woken up by my cat. The next thing I
was aware of was my hands. They were neatly folded across my stomach
and as I stared at them I noticed how perfectly they fit together.
How easily I can hold my own hands & how absolutely comfortable
it was. During this moment of foggy-eyed insight I was aware of how
much we are made to take good care of ourselves. With ease our
body knows ways that sooth & calm. We don't have to think about
it, because its natural.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Later that same morning, I was again
half awake. That beautiful time when you find yourself between
sleep and awake. It occurred to me that my tongue was pressed
against the roof of my mouth in a way that it rarely is during my
fully awake moments. It reminded me of kittens, puppies or infants
when they sleep. I've seen this before and it looks so cozy. This
was the first time I noticed that I too do this.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
As my brain started to wake up I
began to make meaning of these things I had noticed. It got me thinking of how
hard-wired we are for well being and good feelings. When we shut off
our endless dialogue of personal thought for the night, our body goes
into a natural state of care.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
This means something in our waking
hours too! This natural care system does not require sleep for
access. It does not require anything because it just is. I'll admit
that this was not new information for me. I knew already that I hold
all the answers to my own questions. I knew already that I am really
the only thing that can limit me. I knew already that I can take
really good care of myself when things outside of me become turbulent. However, these recent insights came at just the right
time & now this old information had a new truthiness to it.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
This summer I found myself repeatedly
in the situation of feeling hurt by others. Do I speak up or not?
The answer that kept coming to me was to stop planning and just
respond with love in the moment. This part of the experience has
been freeing and has felt right, but outcomes would not be described
with such adjectives. :)
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
At some point I began to feel quite disappointed and ultimately a little alone. I was feeling that reaching out and then not getting a pleasant response meat a lot about
me and my future. I began building my walls, a task that I knew
well. I began to feel that I had a lot of work to do and that a lot
of obstacles were in my path. Life felt hard and unfair.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Once I became aware of these feelings,
I knew my thoughts had run wild. I'm thankful to know this much. The storyline felt old, although I
had filled it with brand new events. Some of the characters were the
same, but I had created a sequel. With this reminder in my sight, I
could not take my “reality” so seriously and I began to focus on
outside things less. Within a few hours I was no longer checking my
cell endlessly for some outside response that would change everything.
I no longer was waiting or searching.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Instead, I became a little bit more
mindful about how I was creating. I saw that the unwelcome
experiences actually brought me a lot of clarity and that nothing had
actually changed except my perception. I started noticing my own happiness and I began connecting with other people more. I was back
to myself & I learned again that nothing in life can really touch
this ability I have to see and create beautiful things.This is not just true for me, but for everyone.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
This is why the comfort I found in my
own body-wisdom during my early morning moments was so meaningful. I
had journeyed far away from my true self into a world of harsh and
endless personal thought, and upon return I was met with
encouragement. I was aware suddenly of the simple ways in which I am
not only okay, but absolutely perfect. I was reminded that being
uncomfortable is okay...a sign of growth & that I know how to
create comfort whenever I need it. I'm a firm believer that we are
met with exactly what we need if only our eyes are open. It's been
quite a blessing to re-remember all of the simple truths that
surround us only waiting to be seen.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-22972268471757594022013-03-21T11:45:00.002-07:002013-03-21T11:53:21.061-07:00What Is A Life Coach?<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Andalus, serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> <span style="font-size: large;"> This
topic interests me because I actually really struggled with what to
call myself when I started my business, Wisdom Life Coaching. I had
my M.S. in counseling, but for reasons I'll explain below, I no
longer wanted to be called a “Counselor”. What I really wanted
to call myself was a “Three Principles Facilitator” but this
would not make sense to most people. You see, I teach three
psychological principles which explain how we create our own
experience of life. The insights and personal growth that come
naturally out of this understanding are truly endless, but the
difficulty I was having was how to find a title that does justice to
what I teach. </span></span></span>
</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Andalus, serif; font-size: large;"> As
I mentioned above, the term “Counselor” did not fit anymore. I
spent over three years interning as a counselor in California. I
worked at a high school, a middle school and a family clinic. I
worked hard. I was learning a lot in graduate school about being a
counselor. I was learning about diagnosis, symptoms & how to
unravel the past with a client. I was learning a lot about mental
illness. I was starting to have uncomfortable, heartbreaking moments
with my clients when I was realizing that I didn't always know how to
help. Sometimes I didn't know where to find the answers. I began to
feel a bit hopeless. I loved my clients and I loved the field of
mental health. It seemed, though, that what I had become an expert
on was mental illness.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Andalus, serif; font-size: large;"> Luckily
it was at this time that I met Dr. Roger Mills at San Francisco State
University. It really was a lucky day for me when I ended up in his
class. He began to teach us about mental health...resiliency. I was
learning for the first time how change happens naturally, and I knew
that I wasn't going to have to feel hopeless anymore. The answers I
was seeking had been found. My work changed...my life changed &
I've been teaching these “Three Principles” ever since. </span>
</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Andalus, serif; font-size: large;"> The
problem was that this understanding did not fit neatly into the
medical model of psychology/counseling I was working under. My
supervisors wanted me diagnosing and focus on behaviors. The success
I was having with ALL of my clients did not translate for them. It
was at this time that we decided to move to Oregon...and I decided to
start my own business.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Andalus, serif; font-size: large;"> When
I began to research a proper title for myself I was at first
resistant to the term “life coach” because it seems so vague...so
overused. I was aware that there are no real standards or
stipulations connected to being a life coach in the U.S. You need
not have a specific degree or credential & anyone can call
themselves a “life coach”. This did not fare well in my
thinking. </span>
</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Andalus, serif; font-size: large;"> That
was until I looked into how the term “life coach” is defined.
These are the things I found; A life coach works with his/her client
to further develop that which the client already possesses. A life
coach focuses on the present and/or future rather than the past. A
life coach does not see their client as ill (thus the term client,
rather than patient). A life coach focuses on teaching rather than
examination and diagnosis. A life coach establishes a warm rapport
with his/her client rather than one based on hierarchy. Music to my
ears!</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Andalus, serif; font-size: large;"> So
to answer the question, “What is a life coach?” I refer back to
these most basic definitions of the trade. A life coach knows that
the client has a wealth of knowledge and wisdom...and more
importantly their own answers. A life coach's work is to shine a
light on this. This goes hand in hand with the fact that a life
coach should see their client as healthy. A life coach listens for
that health and uses it as a teachable moment so that the change that
occurs for a client is sustainable. A life coach should be teaching
an “inside out” approach rather than giving advice or assuming
that they know better for their client than the client knows for
themselves. It's an uncovering process in which a friendly tone is
created. The process should not be painful, and instead should be
informative and empowering. A life coach knows that the past need
not be “cured” for a good today to occur. </span>
</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Andalus, serif; font-size: large;"> This
is a far cry from most models of counseling, although I've yet to
meet a counselor who did not have their heart in the right place. My
definition of life coaching and what I teach is also a far cry from
the services that many other “life coaches” are offering. As a
consumer it is crucial to know what you're shopping for. If you're
looking for a life coach rather than a counselor, than you should
understand what the difference is.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Andalus, serif; font-size: large;"> Likewise,
once you begin your search for a life coach, you should know what
you're hoping to learn. A life coach is actually a teacher. They
teach on the subject of life. Your coach, therefore, should have
something to teach you about life that you don't already know with
clarity. A life coach is also a mentor and this speaks to the
importance of feeling a connection to and an interest in the coach. </span>
</div>
<div align="LEFT" style="font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Andalus, serif; font-size: large;"> Hopefully
this definition (of sorts) has offered some clarity regarding the
term “life coach” and all that it means...and doesn't mean. When
a life coach truly has an understanding to offer you it can enhance
your life and leave you with knowledge that you'll have long after
your coaching sessions are over. </span>
</div>
Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-75960268174141289832012-12-17T10:44:00.000-08:002012-12-17T10:57:50.893-08:00LeadershipOn December 13, 2012 I was taking part in a monthly leadership group. No one knew at this time what horrors would unfold 24 hours later in Newtown , CT. Our topic for our morning lecture was based on the idea of contradiction and creativity. We explored how they have a yin/yang relationship, and how upon further inspection, contradiction holds within it tremendous value. This seemed obvious to me immediately, but before this lecture the idea had been totally outside of my awareness.<br />
<br />
What I was realizing was that I had always couched contradiction in terms of disrespect. I had automatically aligned my thinking here. The result of this little assumed thought was that whenever someone contradicted me, I struggled because I was coming from a place of insecurity. An outside idea that contradicted my thinking somehow threatened me because of all the personal meaning I had attached to it.<br />
<br />
It occurred to me suddenly during that lecture that contradiction is nothing more than two separate realities at play. There is nothing to take personally about that. There is nothing to be insecure about. From this viewpoint the big picture was more clear. Contradiction from this non-personal viewpoint actually creates an opportunity to listen to each other and create something new. In essence, if contradictions can be seen less personally they are invitations for creativity and new perspective. Contradictions only feel bad when we are attached to our personal thinking!<br />
<br />
Our instructor pointed out two quotes on this day...two quotes that now stand out in a different way. They are as follows:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"Sometimes you get what you want, but it's not what you need." ~ Stevie Nicks</i> <i></i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>"The pursuit of truth is a destructive process." ~ Author Unknown</i> </blockquote>
These quotes could not be more relevant than they are now as our leaders and policy makers are called on to address mass shootings, mental health care & gun control issues in our nation. At such a difficult time...such a time of national and international heart break, I am using my energies to be hopeful and vocal about the kind of insights our leaders need to be functioning from at this time. <br />
<br />
What if our leaders could function from an understanding of contradiction and creativity? What if they could see that our disagreements on gun control, mental health, media violence, etc could be seen as an opportunity to create something new...something that serves as a proper tribute and legacy to the families in Newtown? What if we were collectively so moved by this devastation that we let go of the personal tight-hold we have on these issues? What if we, as average citizens, decided to lead by example and did not settle for less from our leaders? Could this impersonal kind of thinking, where we all reach for something deeper rather than focusing on being right or getting our way, be contagious?<br />
<br />
The answer to this last question is yes & there is so much potential here at this time. We have listeners right now...listeners who are the leaders of our nation. I urge each of you to be moved by the wisest part of you! This is not a time to be quiet and afraid. This is a time to listen to the insights that come to you, and then respond passionately & with purpose. We can do so much better & we need to for each family in Newtown. Little things add up...be a leader at this time. Be the kind of leader you want to see in our leaders.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><b>The task of leadership is not to put greatness into people, </b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><b>but to elicit it, for the greatness is there already.<br />
<b>~ John Buchan</b> </b></i> </div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<br /></blockquote>
</blockquote>
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<i> </i>Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-85979223587893435232012-08-20T09:56:00.001-07:002012-08-20T09:56:34.568-07:00What To Teach?There are moments in life when transition is in the air. I've been feeling the changes...witnessing the changes. I've been having a feeling that there is something I've learned. Something that's hard to put my finger on and even more difficult to explain...but I'll try!<br />
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So often in life, we are attached to the outcome. Said outcome will prove that the steps I took were right and vice-verse. We look for certain things in our world to justify our perspective...very natural and a tremendous waste of time. <br />
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Lately, instead, I have noticed a change in my way of doing things. Instead of being aware of the plan and the goal, I have just been aware of what I know and what makes sense. As a little gift, I have also been aware of some beautiful tweaks in what I teach.<br />
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When I say "teach" I immediately think of my kids. Then I think of the kids I work with. They are included in my definition of "teach" (for sure!), but I mean it more broadly. I'm pointing to the fact that we all move through life and in our little choices we are teaching those around us. We are connecting in certain ways because of what we are teaching those who experience us. We are not trying to do this, but it is the most natural thing! The way we make sense of things (via our thinking) determines what we share...or teach.<br />
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A couple of examples...<br />
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Without trying to, in the last few weeks I visited both a cemetery & a memorial site with my kids. Sounds awful. You may even question my parenting skills. If you can put that personal thinking aside, you may here something else.<br />
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While in my home town a few weeks ago I took my kids to the baseball field. This was done with intention, because 15 years earlier I had made a plaque and mounted it on one of the benches in memory of my dear high school friend. He had committed suicide not many years after graduation...he was also a baseball player & later a coach. <br />
My daughter, who is older, was concerned at first that I would be sad, but that was not at all the turn of events. As I sat on the bench...rubbing the plaque gently...I felt peaceful. My children were playing...laughing. I spoke to him without words as I sat there smiling and just feeling like you would feel when in the company of an old friend. I didn't let my personal thinking interfere once.<br />
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As we went back to the car, we were all hugging and skipping down the lane. Later that night my son asked if we could go back to the baseball field. My daughter said that she loved watching me sit on the bench, because I looked so happy. What did I choose to teach my kids in that moment? What direction did my choices point them in?<br />
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Consider that while I share the second scenario involving a cemetery. I lost a friend/client last year suddenly. She was only 17 and had a seizure. It was an awful shock as you can imagine. I had been putting off a visit to her grave, but one morning the time felt right. <br />
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My son was in camp, and my daughter wanted to come with me. At first I didn't <i>think </i>that was appropriate, but then I paused and realized that it sounded very sweet. My young friend had loved children & had asked a lot about my daughter. I again dropped my personal thinking and felt my way through. <br />
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When we got to the cemetery we realized there was no tombstone for her yet, because it was such a new burial. I didn't know how we would find it, but the coolest thing happened. My daughter felt strongly about which direction it was in. "Near that little tree" she said. Of course, she was right. When we got closer we saw that someone had made a heart out of stones on her plot. Such a tear jerking scene, and you can bet that I cried.<br />
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The surprise is the kind of cry I had. No sound, just a stream of tears. It felt like there was so much sadness in this spot. Yet from inside of myself I felt an out-poor of love. The tears were not stopping. I just felt connected to her so strongly...I suddenly knew so much more. It was powerful...stirring. All the while, my daughter gathered flowers from the grass, sprinkling them carefully around her plot. We listened to the birds and hugged a lot. As we left, another man was leaving as well. We shared a smile that can't be explained by any other word than mystical. It was all not what I would have imagined, but was perfect in every way.<br />
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As we drove home, I checked in with my daughter. Did my crying worry or upset you? Was that weird? Are you okay? She smiled and sighed saying, "I want to come next time too, and let's bring some nail polish to paint one of those stones." There was nothing in our experience or her response that mimicked all of the things we typically associate with death and cemetery visits. We had, thankfully, done it our way, and we were rewarded instantly by the feeling of the whole day.<br />
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When I reflected later...as I was trying to figure out just exactly what I had learned...I realized that it was not what I had learned, it was what I had taught. The thing my kids are witnessing and learning about death and loss have very much to do with a connection that is not broken when our physicality becomes threatened. My perspective of deaths has changed so much that without noticing, I have provided them with a different view.<br />
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My son, who is seven, has asked me some questions about death recently. Age appropriate, and on the heals of our cat dying last winter. It's a scary thing to answer honestly when a child wants to know if you'll die before him. I don't know...we don't know...now that's scary! The thing is that I actually had some answers that feel genuine.<br />
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How can I put this simply?...If I know that we are all a part of something bigger than us, then I also know that when our body gives out that is all that happens. This life energy that we all have access to is the stuff that our personal connections are made of. It's the thing that we feel on the inside about a person whether or not our five senses are experiencing them at that moment. <br />
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Now granted, death and loss are sad. Saying goodbye to experiencing someone the way you are used to is painful and regretful. What I'm saying is that when I tell my son that "Even when one of us dies, we will always be connected", I am telling the truth. We are all so blessed to have these gifts of thinking, awareness & wisdom. All we must do to connect with someone is to come into a space where personal thinking is stilled and we can hear/feel what's in our heart. This is where you find everyone whom you've cherished, and this place is untouchable...not even grief, loss or death can take it away. <br />
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Being able to teach this to my kids, because I know it as truth, has been more than I've wished to impart. It is so important in life to take a moment as transitions and changes occur and notice what you're putting out there. There's a lot to be proud of, and there is a lot of proof to what you've been teaching. Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-34153919314344317612012-06-25T20:01:00.000-07:002012-06-25T20:01:06.115-07:00Perspective Changes Everything<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it."</i></div>
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<br />Anyone can read this quote and recognize the simple brilliance it points to, but the power isn't in the recognition. The power is in the experiencing...the power comes when you find yourself a changed person. Recently, I was fortunate enough to experience a change in perspective and all that unfolded from it. It reminded me how easily and quickly change occurs. It always seems to happen unbeknownst to me, and by the time I notice it my reality has already shifted. This is quite to the contrary of mainstream's view of change, which usually involves a long, painful process wherein one must "re-train" themselves.</div>
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Let me begin with a story. It's my story (or part of it at least) simplified for everyone's benefit. I did not grow up with my biological father, but I did grow up with a dad. He meant a lot to me, naturally. As time went on and I entered my teenage years, trouble hit my parent's marriage & my dad began to check out. One of the things that he began to do with his time was to become a mentor to various young kids in our small town. He began to spend a lot of time with other kids and he began to financially support them, as well. </div>
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I was jealous and hurt. I carried this with me far into the future. I hit certain levels of forgiveness and acceptance with my dad over the years, but I kept my boundaries firmly in place. I would, occasionally, hear about someone new in his life and how he was helping them. It always was upsetting. It was always personal even when I knew this was foolish. </div>
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There was one girl in particular that I had avoided. I avoided her, because my dad really loves her. She calls him dad...he walked her down the isle on her wedding day. He bought her a car, bought her a restaurant. People around town have asked my sisters why they never met our fourth sister sooner, yet I had never met her. It was all so overwhelming that I just decided to never meet her and to avoid thoughts of her in general. </div>
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Recently, though, in the last few weeks I have been experiencing my time with my dad differently. My perspective just seemed to soften. He looks older to me...he seems different. I don't think, in actuality, that he changed in the last few weeks, but the way I see him changed a lot. My thoughts of him changed & so the lens I see him through is also different. </div>
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There have been a handful of positive results due to this change in perspective. All of them can be summed up by the fact that when I think of my dad now, I smile. I smile, not roll my eyes...this feels wonderful...free...sweet. Beyond this, however, my new thinking created a specific experience that I know would not have happened within the confines of my old reality. </div>
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While visiting my hometown for the weekend, I made lunch plans with my dad. I know he always eats at the restaurant that he co-owns, but this time I did not suggest somewhere else...I did not squirm in my shoes while my stomach turned inside out. I just smiled, felt peaceful, and said to myself and to him, "why not?". As it turns out, my dad, my daughter & I had a delicious lunch full of laughter and love. We met this girl who I had previously despised, and I found her to be kind and sincere. I left feeling glad that my dad had helped her. No threat in site...completely secure. I felt such love for my dad. I felt so glad to have my daughter experience it with me. There was no room for my old perspective, because this new place fit just right.</div>
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So, what's the lesson here? I'm not sure. If it just took knowing that perspective changes everything, we'd all be "fixed". It takes having faith that your perspective will self-correct. This way, there is no forcing it...no willing it to be. There is only the experience of chasing a good feeling...knowing that this will take you to where you belong. Then with all the ease and grace of saint you, like I did, will find yourself changed and seeing with new eyes. </div>
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<br /></div>Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-28392809520922554812012-01-15T22:58:00.000-08:002012-01-15T22:58:13.374-08:00Go Ahead & Get UncomfortableThere's been a word that keeps popping up in the quiet moments when insights come. "Comfortable." The meaning used to be very clear. Something to do with ease and it was a desirable place to be. No one ever wants to be uncomfortable, and for most of my life I've taken feelings of discomfort as a sign that I must be off track. Comfortable is even defined as "being free from stress and tension." Being comfortable, then, is the desired outcome. <br />
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I am convinced, however, that being uncomfortable is not only good, it is necessary. A lot of the wonderful things that I find joy in have come from/with some great discomfort. For example, when I think about my new involvement in a recreational roller derby team, the word comfort does not come to mind. In fact, I would say that it is most definitely uncomfortable. My empty bottle of tiger balm confirms this fact, but the thing is that roller derby has brought me so much joy. I am proud of myself & I'm getting stronger. I'm following a wild insight I had, even though I've been uncomfortable all along the way...even though other people are uncomfortable with my choice. <br />
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Many times along the way I have tried, via my scaredy-cat personal thinking, to talk myself out of my new hobby. Even while on the track, I've had to override my wimpy thoughts and clear my head. What's left is just me and the clarity that I am happy to be doing what I'm doing. Comfort can't hold a candle to happiness. <br />
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For me, it seems that insights, whether it be regarding a business plan, a romantic choice, or even a hobby, at some point require a leap of faith. It's one thing to get an insight from your Mind, but it's quite another thing to act on it. Maybe this fear is where this notion that <i>being uncomfortable is bad</i> got it's roots. Maybe it lies in the fact that historically & collectively we've spent a lot of time shying away from our insights. Then we've needed to convince ourselves that the safer more comfortable choice was the right one. And here we've sat with no real understanding of discomfort and all its glory. <br />
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This theory about comfort has many holes in it, after all. First of all, when you deny the truth that you know, it does not go away...even as you sit comfortably. Conversely, when you take a leap of faith...and follow what you feel to be right for you, you are always rewarded. You always find what you were hoping for & much more. This requires some discomfort though, because doing something that was not planned by your personal thinking also sometimes means it does not make logical sense. Others may question you from their comfortable chairs. You'll have nothing to say, except that even with some discomfort it still feels right. <br />
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I'll leave you with one question before you decide how optimal comfort is for you. Think for a moment about all the moments...or THE moment...in your life for which you are truly proud. It can be anything, and you'll know it because of the strong feelings the memory evokes as you recall it. Now, think about this memory. Was it full of comfort, or were there times when you had to go down the bumpy road of discomfort? <br />
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So, what's to stop you from flinging yourself at discomfort when it shows up along the path you've chosen for yourself? I, myself, am putting out a welcome mat for all discomfort that comes as I pursue my insights and dreams. For this is where all of my learning comes from...this is where I build the next memory for which I will recall later with pride. I wish nothing less for you!Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-2114616997139867782011-11-21T12:02:00.000-08:002011-11-21T12:02:27.609-08:00This Is No Time To Be ShyToday's blog is a bit different. Usually I write when something has occurred to me...when some insight has given me new clarity. On this day I feel a bit murky, although I am in familiar waters. My hope is twofold: One, that as I write I might free-flow myself right into my own answer. I'm a firm believer that we all have our own answers if we only listen, so this will be a test of sorts. Two, that some of you who are reading this may comment with your insights and ideas. I'd love nothing more than to learn from what I may hear in the words you share. So please, this is no time to be shy!<br />
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So, here it is...I recently spent time with an undisclosed loved one . We go way back...I should be perfectly comfortable, right? But I was not. In fact, I felt so uncomfortable that I actually got nauseous and thought I was going to be physically ill. As I sat late that night at home feeling 100% better, I began to ponder what all of this means. In truth, I did not have to ponder, rather I had to admit. This was not the first time this spontaneous nausea had happened to me, and I was very clear about what was happening. I was, however (and still am a little bit), confused about why I actually felt physically ill.<br />
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The truth is that I've changed a lot over the last handful of years. I've found it easy to change some old and longstanding habits. It's been magical...like I look one day, and OMG, I just don't have that habit anymore. But this one...this bite your tongue and endure one...has lived on long and strong. Why is it with some people that I ignore what I know...what I need...in order to not upset them? Why am I willing to do this at the price of annihilating my own experience and my connection with them in real time? Why do I sit quietly while I'm screaming in my head...and churning in my gut? <br />
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In my physical brain, I know better. I know that this fear I'm creating in my thinking is way bigger than any truth that I have to bare to this dear person. I also know that if I were to speak up, I'd be able to deliver my message with love...it would come from a place of love. Yet, still I vouch for a night of stomach cramping nausea over a moment of honesty dialogue. <br />
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Another thing I know is that we cannot control others, and that it is not wise to take other people's thoughts or actions too personally. Yet I sat with this person and seemed to take on (physically) the entire effect of the night. What am I afraid of?...or more importantly, why am I allowing this fear to be so real and alive in my life? Didn't I just make it up in my thinking when I told myself that speaking the truth would be tragic? Why then am I choosing to believe it as though it is factual? <br />
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Somehow "knowing" these things was not enough...I still got lost and found myself ill. It was like my stomach said, "Well, screw you if you're going to function at such a low level!". So this is new...this physical response to me quieting myself just when I should speak up. The habit, however, is old and very engraved in my thinking. It is one of those thoughts that I've called up so consistently, that despite what I know intellectually, I still find myself in it again before I'm even aware of it.<br />
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So then, it's going to take some greater awareness and some courage too. Courage to test out what I already know is true...my feelings tell me what is right and true for me. Then it's up to me what I do with that information. Sometimes my thoughts can not be trusted, and when I realize this I have to trust myself more deeply. My true self...the me that's way beyond my little personal thoughts. <br />
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In terms of awareness, I can see my nausea as a beautiful gift in some way now. It is a very real indicator that I am believing this thought that "I <b>must</b> be quiet...kind...go along with it" again. It's an indicator that's really hard to ignore. My body has created a signal that matches the need. It's up to me to use this gift wisely as the kick start, that I obviously need, when it's time to speak up! "This is no time to be shy Cory", my stomach is quite bluntly telling me in the only way it can. <br />
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Have I just solved my own problem? Perhaps, but I still welcome all your thoughts. We all stumble and fall. We all have something that trips us up, and we all have our own solutions. My hunch is that it always has something to do with not believing everything you think & maybe not taking yourself so seriously. What do you think? Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-80225823423137616912011-10-10T11:36:00.000-07:002011-10-10T11:36:20.259-07:00Feelings: Invention vs Factualism<div style="text-align: center;"> <q cite="http://quotationsbook.com/quote/14894/">Do not give in too much to feelings. </q></div><div style="text-align: center;"><q cite="http://quotationsbook.com/quote/14894/">A overly sensitive heart is an unhappy possession on this shaky earth.</q> </div><div style="text-align: center;"> <cite><a href="" title="More quotes by Goethe, Johann Wolfgang Von">~ Goethe, Johann Wolfgang Von</a></cite></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><cite>Feelings...they must be the most misunderstood human phenomenon to date. We, as a society, have built up tremendous truths about feelings, and we have created practices that represent and protect these truths. Take our legal system, for example. It has terminology especially dedicated to how feelings may impact the law...crime of passion, temporary insanity, competency, hostile witness, no-fault divorce, etc. </cite></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><cite>We don't understand feelings, exactly, so we make up a lot of excuses for ourselves...excuses that are widely accepted. When I get mad, I cannot control myself...He/she made me feel this way...I can't help/change the way I feel...When I feel depressed, I've just gotta go through it. Sound familiar?</cite></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><cite>But, the more important question is, does it really sound true? A simple look at human experience points to a logical sequence. It goes like this: </cite></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><cite>1. A person has a thought. This happens all the time, but to this thought, he/she gives attention. </cite></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><cite>2. Very soon many thoughts in support of this original idea have been created in a moments time. </cite></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><cite>3. Before we are even aware of this process, we find ourselves in a feeling. We are further convinced that this feeling is a reality, because we've built up a lot of thinking about it already. </cite></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><cite>4. Our five senses begin to re-confirm what we created, and we are now only aware of what will confirm our current personal thinking. </cite></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><cite>5. From this some behaviors are likely to follow, and we are likely left feeling that we are at the mercy of our feelings.</cite></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><cite>I am here to tell you say that this old logic regarding feelings is not good enough, or even valid! Feelings are the proof of what we are doing with our thinking. They are a barometer for your quality of thinking from moment to moment. This is why even during times of grief, we may have moments of contentment or a burst of laughter. We can create what we want. This is the actual opposite of being at the mercy of our feelings. In fact we are the creator of our feelings. What good news!..."Spread the news, the wicked old which at last is dead!" d</cite></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><cite><br />
</cite></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><cite>All it takes is a new way of understanding your feelings...the curiosity to experiment next time feelings start to seem too big. When you remind yourself that your feelings indicate that you've stepped out of your natural state and have given life to personal thoughts, a funny thing happens. Those thoughts just die. You've expose them as what they are...your creation...the man behind the wizard's curtain, and from this vantage point it's the most natural thing to see that you have so many other options.</cite></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><cite><br />
</cite></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><cite>I'll leave you with the wise, Darlene Stewart (1993, pg 167):</cite></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><b><cite>"Mental health doesn't mean you never have negative feelings or bad moods. Mental health is knowing what negative feelings are so you don't use them as an excuse to hurt yourself or someone else. Emotional maturity doesn't mean you never feel scared or despondent; it means you have the wisdom to recognize uncomfortable feelings as outgrowths of the way you are thinking right now."</cite></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><cite><br />
</cite></div>Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-24194868487203748512011-10-03T13:46:00.000-07:002011-10-03T13:46:47.510-07:00The Art of DistractionThe art of distraction is often overlooked...minimized...misunderstood. This may be because lots of us believe that our reality is a real thing...a factual thing that happens outside of us. We think it is viewable from where we stand, but we fail to recognize that it is created right where we stand. <br />
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Darlene L. Stewart said it best when she said, "Whatever we believe becomes real for us, even if it isn't real to anyone else. If I believe in shortage of time, I'll never have enough time. If I believe learning is hard, I'll struggle with it...If I believe people don't like me, I'll behave in ways that eventually pushes them away. Then I'll say, 'I knew it. People just don't like me.' " (1993, p. 85). <br />
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And so here we are with our beliefs that become real...a reality, and with a perception that allows us to see exactly what we believe. This is where most of us live, and most of us long for some understanding or way to effect our reality. Such a simple thing, but only when you've gained some understanding regarding the tremendous power you possess through your use of thought.<br />
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Thought is that factor that is responsible for your reality, and it is absolutley something that you get to steer and choose. What we think about something equates how we experience it through our senses and our feelings. If you experiment with this truth, you will see it for yourself.<br />
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Most of us on any given day find ourselves in compulsive thinking, that is not conducive to well being in any way. This puts us in a mood, and this often leads to behavior choices. Now, if you know anything about thinking, you also know that thoughts come fast...we can't possible make ourselves not think something. BUT, what we can do is recognize that a thought is just mental material that we make up. We get to decide if we believe it...if we want to give power to it, or render it powerless.<br />
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This is where the underappreciated art of distracion comes in! Any time you are in a thought pattern that you are not enjoying, the way to a more enjoyable experience is to drop that thinking and make room for a new insight. Dropping your thinking can simply not be done by willpower or thinking it away. You must distract yourself momentarily...that's it.<br />
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You see, this is true, because your wisdom and well-being are buoyant. They will rise to the surface on their own if you get out of the way for a moment. Now, you may be skeptical about this, and I respect that, but just experiment if you feel so inclined! The next time you are in a feeling that you dislike, give yourself permission to have a mini-distraction. Allow your senses to be wrapped up in something else for a moment and see where this takes you. Be aware that this experiment is an experiment in thought dropping. Once you realize that you do this all the time, you'll be able to do it intentionally with the purpose of creating the reality that you want to see, feel, and live in. Have fun!Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-22339924311149899162011-08-29T16:43:00.000-07:002011-08-29T16:43:48.336-07:00A Child's Wisdom<b><i><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12px;">"Children are a wonderful gift . . . They have an extraordinary capacity to see into the heart of things and to expose sham and humbug for what they are." ~Desmond Tutu </span></i></b><br />
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Thank goodness for children! I've said it before. It is true, and I'm aware of how quickly they can pull someone right into a good feeling. They have a way of living here...in the place where good feelings are, and we, as adults, somehow live somewhere else...eventually even forgetting to visit this place of well being. <br />
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We become such over-thinkers. We explain less about our actions and expect others to understand more...to bend to fit us. Children, well they just find happiness in what they are doing...usually and quite naturally. They are not in control of a lot that goes on around them...they are not trying to be in control. They're just marching to a happy little tune within their heart.<br />
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It becomes so easy as we live and travel so many bends in the road, to be in judgement of others...to blame...to complain & take personally. It takes a lot of energy to do this...to stay in a bad feeling, but we have become excellent at it. <br />
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So much time is spent on expectations...and then on disappointment when our ideals aren't met...that the moment is lost. We are in our heads rather than in our moment.<br />
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Children, on the other hand, use their mind for imagination, creativity, exercise...generally on how to make any given moment as fabulous & rich as possible. Children are using all of their senses and coordination so that life becomes curious and adventurous. <br />
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So much there is to learn from children and their natural simplicity. A nice swing ride in the breeze...20 minutes of bubble blowing...one t-ball game...a remedy every time. Something sweet to distract us from our own creating <br />
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The world is there for us to experience as we choose through our own lens of thought. Wisdom and insight come in many forms, but none is more efficient and honest than that delivered via children.<br />
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Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-72055603926426637952011-07-25T10:35:00.000-07:002011-07-25T10:37:59.976-07:00Memories...RIP!Memory...a powerful part of our life. Really just old thinking, and not to be confused with accuracy or fact. An old story from an old perspective, yet it has the ability to create new reality and experiences in real time. We call up our memories without much awareness of the process, and then experience whatever feelings surface. This, of course, colors our mood in the present moment, and then dictates the nature of our reaction or behavior. When it is put simply like this, it begins to make sense that we should be careful what memories we pull up, but somehow this simplicity turns to complexity and the truth gets lost in our overwhelming experiences from yesterday.<br />
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Our society values memory. We even believe that it is our experiences from the past that make us who we are today. This limits us so vastly! Losing memory is seen as devastating, leaving others around us to feel upset and personally impacted by the loss of data. What if, though, loosing memory (or the grip it has on you) actually was seen as a great gift allowing you the willingness to be comfortable in the unknown? A fresh start where you are aware of your creation of meaning-making as you go. No old, out of place fears...no supposed to's...no shouldn'ts...no struggle with forgiveness...no resistance to healthy change.<br />
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We all have experiences from our past that represent a time when deep rooted patterns began. These traits or personalities that develop are then rarely questioned later, despite the negative impact that often comes from living out of the moment. <a class="cssButton" href="javascript:void(0)" id="publishButton" onclick="if (this.className.indexOf("ubtn-disabled") == -1) {var e = document['postingForm'].publish;(e.length) ? e[0].click() : e.click(); if (window.event) window.event.cancelBubble = true; return false;}" target=""></a><br />
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</a></div></div></div>People are willing to give up on dreams, loose a loved one, deny themselves, etc, but we are not willing to question the quality of our thinking. This keeps us on auto pilot...status-quo. More importantly, it makes us all feel powerless to, or at least inefficient at, rising above our past.<br />
For me, this just isn't good enough. There are too many painful memories...too many regrets...too many hardships to carry. Luckily, I know that the only one who keeps me experiencing my past today is me! I also know that being aware of today's surprises is exactly what creates the life that I want to live. When I pull up old memories, I know it right away, because I feel insecure...vulnerable...like a lost soul. When this feeling comes over me, I simply look around and notice how my feeling does not match my environment. It is easy to see that I have gotten lost in my thinking.<br />
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At this point, I don't do anything. I don't work hard. I don't become hard on myself. I just remind myself that I have created my experience based on my personal thinking. I know that in this state of mind, I have lost my awareness of "now" and I have blocked off my ability to have new insights. I have muffled the voice of wisdom that is always buoyant inside of me.<br />
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By doing this, I become distracted from my current thinking, and the past dies a quiet and instant death. RIP! Now things can happen for me that I couldn't even see before. Suddenly clarity is mine, and I don't feel the need to take other people's thinking personally. We are all just here on this earth doing our best. Most of us don't have an understanding of the power of thinking, and we therefore are living a life that is below our potential. If we could all pay attention to the times when our perspective no longer seems to fit, memory would loose its power. The power would be returned to us as individuals who are not here to know everything, but are here to willingly be in the unknown. It is only in this place that we can be aware of our opportunities today. It is only here that peace and well being can replace fear as the driving factor in our lives. It must start with you...today's you!Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-19540651494697913992011-06-13T13:45:00.000-07:002011-06-13T13:45:57.523-07:00PatienceI never have been a patient person...I haven't known many patient people & I never really tried to become one, although I always saw the wisdom in it. In this rush-rush world of results and outcomes, I just never practiced, although I appreciated those who were patient with me along the way. Patience was one of those things that I thought did not belong to me...I wasn't like that...didn't possess that quality. I believed this thinking blindly as it lead me to many a heart-ache and many a bad result. <br />
Recently, and quite without premeditation, I began questioning myself...began seeing myself as patient. <br />
Two stories...<br />
My daughter was at the pool recently with a friend. She is a pre-teen in all definitions of the word, and everything for me right now is a test. Her friend's parents arrived at the same pick up time and when we got there, of course, neither of the girls was ready to go. The test began. <br />
Her friend's parents were slightly strict and they snapped their fingers, becoming angry about the girls' resistance. I asked my daughter to come over, and she replied gruffly with a sassy look, "Just a minute, mom!". I was incredibly aware of what the other parents were thinking and almost yelled at her to get her buns out of the pool.<br />
For some reason, a pure shot of wisdom...a beautiful insight...I instead decided to patiently smile back and observe her a little bit without judgement...or insecurity. I decided to have unwavering faith in her...quiet faith...patient faith. What happened was that I felt understanding for her and knew I could be a little patient at this moment. I was not okay with my daughter's behavior, but I was more aware of how to calmly handle the situation. <br />
I laughed to the other parents that they just wanted to finish their game in the pool. The judgement did not change, but my reaction to it did. I was really proud of myself, and I felt a lot of love for my daughter. She came bounding out of the pool all legs and smiles in less time than it would have taken me to yell at her or go get her. <br />
What I was really aware of was how cute my daughter was, and how happy she looked. I also noticed that the other parents were quiet...no yelling or snapping. Did they learn something, as I had? I don't know, but I do know that I felt very pleased and very connected to my sweet daughter. <br />
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A few days later, patience saved the day again. We have been looking for a home to rent, and the market has been highly competitive. We had one application in at a place we sort-of liked, got rejected from one, were 2nd in line for one that got rented out, and were in discussions with a man regarding his house, which we loved despite the bad location. In short, we were in the game, but did not feel clear about anything that we had seen. <br />
We went back for a 2nd visit to the home in the wrong location, and we almost decided to go for it...almost decided to ignore our gut...almost acted without any patience. That night a new home came on the market...perfect size, perfect location, perfect price. We saw it right away and we both had a great feeling about the house. Three other couples were viewing the house when we went, and the competition was obvious. We did everything we could to let the owner know how interested we were, but ultimately we just had to have faith that it would turn out in out favor.<br />
This morning, we got the call...the house is ours! If we had not been patient, we'd have ended up in a home that we didn't feel sure about, and we'd be paying more money! <br />
Sometimes it feels hard or even impossible to be patient in this life, but that's just our thinking. If we look at common sense, we will see that patience is quiet efficient and quiet simple. If we could all learn to wait...to not react...until we feel clear and calm, what freedom we'd find! We'd all have better predicaments, more time on our hands, and a nicer effect on each other. May you be find patience today and also be treated with it!Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-52146379838182238242011-05-08T21:20:00.000-07:002011-05-08T21:20:31.021-07:00Walk Beside Me<span style="font-family: arial;"><b></b></span> <span style="font-family: arial;"></span> <div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><center><b>Mother.......</b></center></span></div><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">When you're a child she walks before you,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;"> To set an example.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-family: arial;">When you're a teenager she walks behind you<br />
To be there should you need her.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-family: arial;">When you're an adult she walks beside you<br />
So that as two friends you can enjoy life together..</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-family: arial;">- <b>Author Unknown.</b></span></div><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;">It's Mother's Day, and I've spent it celebrating myself, to be honest. I've looked at my kids today and I've felt proud. I've seen them try not to argue with each other and I've seen their eyes glimmering in my direction. I've seen their home-made cards, which pack more love and sincerity in them than anything that could be found at a mall. I've seen what my hard work has helped create, and I've sat back in total delight. I couldn't be more proud, and I couldn't be more thankful for my husband who allowed me the time and space to observe all of this today.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;">There is a time in our lives when we begin to focus on that which our mother did not provide, or on those things that we would change if we could. I don't know why we do this. For me, I actually remember feeling so fiercely connected to my mom that I could not see a fault in her for many years. Even when it was pointed out to me, I preferred my point of view and could not see a negative. This was also true of my grandma, whom I still see through rose-colored glasses! At some point, however, I needed to separate from her...to not be her...to not be in her defense. This was painful for me to step away from her, but I did. </span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;">I chose this poem, because it is simple and profound...like most pearls of wisdom that I stumble upon. As a teenager I did begin to walk in front of her, never knowing the faith it took for her to have me blaze my own trail. Never considering how it felt to be broken away from...never being empathetic to the fact that my growing-up process would include judging her harshly. </span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;">I don't know that all other teens do this, but I do know a lot about what is age appropriate, and this seems to make me "normal". I regret having to see her as "wrong" in order to spread my own wings and carve my own path, but this seemed a necessary part of my process. What grace it must take to watch your child...your sweet babe...cast you out in the name of personal growth. </span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;">The beauty in it is that she did this for me (and my sisters) without protest...without judgement. Like knowing us and raising us prepared her somehow for this period of time when we were only willing to see how we would do it differently. I never remember her feelings being hurt, although I do remember treating her with far less respect and gratitude than she deserves. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: arial;">This is motherhood...the giving...the faith. It is done by many and without complaint by most. It is a wisdom or a love that sees through what even the rowdiest teen or twenty-something can dish out. It is what sustains this teen or twenty-something...it gives them strength even when they don't want to accept it directly from their mother. </span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial;">I don't think a mother does this with a knowing that later in life they will be repaid with endless gratitude and friendship from their child, but this <b>is</b> what happens. At some point we, as adult children, see easily past the judgements we have had, and can focus on all that was done for us...all that we learned and witnessed. We then become our mother's biggest fans again...just as we were when our hands fit in theirs and our arms could barely reach their hips during an embrace. We find the wisdom we had lost during our tumultuous growing-up period, and we find our mom's waiting for us with a sweet smile. How lucky we are to have mothers.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: arial;">Now that I am a mother...with a daughter who's ten going on 15...I can see just how it is that a mother endures the breaking-away period. It happens because a mother loves her child with a heart that has no focus on personal gains. A mother looks at her child..whatever his/her age...and sees through all behavior right to all that is hopeful and good. A mother believes that there is a purpose for whatever is occurring without taking it personally. A mother's heart never looses faith and sight of what her child is. In this way, love is always the answer...in this way, we are all blessed to have a mother.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: arial;">Whatever the past has brought you...whatever words have been said or acts that have been done...we are all lucky to have the love of a mother. I am honored to be a mother myself, for it allows me the understanding of what my mother has done for me. It gives me the delight of walking through this life with my mother by my side as I make my own mistakes...not the same mistakes, but all new ones...with my sweet children.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: arial;">Cheers to all the mothers out there, in whatever form they may come in for you. </span><br />
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</span>Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-56033243656733203922011-04-18T12:32:00.000-07:002011-04-18T12:32:19.757-07:00The Root of the Root<div style="color: white; text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;"><b>I Carry Your Heart With Me</b></span></i></div><div style="color: white; text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;"><b>By Edward Estlin Cummings</b></span></i></div><div style="color: white; text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;"><b> </b></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;"><b></b> </span></i></div><div style="color: white; text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;">i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)</span></i></div><div style="color: white; text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;">i am never without it (anywhere i go you go,my dear; </span></i></div><div style="color: white; text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;">and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)<br />
i fear no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet)</span></i></div><div style="color: white; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;"><i>i want no world (for beautiful you are my world,my true)<br />
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant </i></span></div><div style="color: white; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;"><i>and whatever a sun will always sing is you<br />
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here is the deepest secret nobody knows </i></span></div><div style="color: white; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;"><i>(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud </i></span></div><div style="color: white; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;"><i>and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;</i></span></div><div style="color: white; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;"><i>which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)<br />
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart<br />
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i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart) </i></span></div><div style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;"><i></i></span></div><div style="color: white;"><br />
</div><div style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;"><i>...This poem showed up in my life last night. I was watching "In Her Shoes"...an old favorite, but this time something was different. I saw something new...my ears heard something I had missed. I don't even remember this poem from the handful of times that I've watched this movie, but this time it meant something to me. </i></span></div><div style="color: white;"><br />
</div><div style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;">I began thinking about my kids...my husband...my mother...my sisters...my fathers..my grandma...all of us here in this pocket of time together. Something exists in us that is deeper than our etched out personalities & personal beliefs...something beyond society, family ties, commonalities. Something that keeps us all carrying humanity in our hearts...if but only for a brief second here and there. </span></div><div style="color: white;"><br />
</div><div style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;">This thing is <i>the root of the root</i>. It is <i>higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide</i>...it is beyond science and before explanation. This thing that binds us is wondrous & can feel elusive at times. It has many names, but we all recognize it. It is this energy of life that keeps us tied together to a harmony and to all things so that we can feel our role in it all. </span></div><div style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;"><br />
<span style="font-size: 20px;"> </span></span></div><div style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;">I call this thing wisdom, but that doesn't matter, what matters is that we all know it and have it...no matter how well-used or dusty it may be. This thing helps us know things that we do not previously know without studying or doing anything at all. How important it is for all of us to know that each of us has this...AND what a beautiful world we could create if we all began to look for it in ourselves and within others. Acts of courage, every-day miracles, things that move the soul...they are all around us and all within us. If you become aware of your connection to the energy that connects us all, unlimited potential is yours in an instant. </span></div><div style="color: white;"><br />
</div><div style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;">This makes me think of a friend of mine, who is now going through a painful separation...as if some of them are not painful. The thing that has been so luminous and inspiring for me is that she is fully in the zone. I hardly recognize her from a week ago. She had been in a fog and in contemplation...that's what it looked like from outside, but really she had been waiting for that moment when her wisdom showed up in full force. </span></div><div style="color: white;"><br />
</div><div style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;">She is now moving through the separation with clarity and courage. There is room in her mind for feelings of peace and direction. She is not lost in her personal thinking, but is instead guided by what can be only be described as... </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;"><i>the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life. </i></span></div><div style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;"><i><br />
</i></span></div><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14px;"><i><span style="color: white;">May you be as well.</span></i></span>Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-4855805333923764432011-03-23T20:22:00.000-07:002011-03-23T20:22:05.524-07:00Birds & BeesA few days ago I tried to write a blog...it has been awhile. I sat at my laptop totally uninspired. I could have forced something, but that would defeat the purpose. I blog, because there are times when beautiful things happen...I want to share those things. I want to blog when the words pour through my fingertips...like they are today. I found my inspiration in my lovely 10 year old daughter.<br />
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She turned 10 recently, and the"big talk" was long overdue. I have had a handful of perfect opportunities, which I cowered away from promptly. This, I'm aware, happened for two reasons which both put me into flight mode. One, I'm not the picture of perfect sexual health. It's been a long road, and my sexuality has not always been celebrated. In fact, it's sometimes been a winding, twisting road of negativity. This is not what I want to pass on to my daughter. Two, the way my mom taught me about sex was riddled with shame and uneasiness, leaving me without a clear model of what I wanted to do and say to my own daughter.<br />
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Then it occurred to me...I know exactly how to teach my daughter regardless of my own successes or failures, and regardless of anything my parents ever did or didn't do. My experience does not have to be my daughter's experience, unless I keep living in the past. I know that I want to teach her about how miraculous our bodies are and how natural physical development and sexuality is. I know that I want to inform her about the risks and the dangers. I know that she is a highly intelligent girl who would not put a negative spin on any of this information, unless I served it to her that way. Suddenly I felt the greatest relief. I didn't have to have a plan...I didn't have to be in fear. I needed to keep it simple! Now I knew I was in the flow, because my perspective had changed. I was now secure, instead of wanting to run away. <br />
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That day I had already planned to take my kids to the library. While I was there, I was suddenly struck with the idea to look for a kid-friendly book that may help during our chat. Ah-ha! An insight! A book would help me teach what I wanted to teach. This is no earth shattering piece of information, but I would not have had the idea if I had stayed in my head....if I had stayed in my fearful thinking. I needed to clear my head and let wisdom guide me. Just like that, I ended up finding the perfect book that was very informative, with all the correct terminology, but still short and lighthearted. I chose the book, basically, because when I opened a page in the middle it said "these changes are happening to you that make you more like an adult, but you are really still a kid." This was literally, what I wanted to hear when I was hitting puberty, and so it was a sign! <br />
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I asked my daughter to come into the bathroom to chat with me while I showered that morning. I asked her if she would like to go out with me that day to have a special girl's talk now that she was 10. She was so excited, and when she found out what we'd be talking about her excitement did not diminish. All morning she was hugging and kissing me...sending me little lovey faces from across the room. I could feel how much she felt valued and respected. I could feel how I was creating open communication, and how gratefully that was being received. I knew that I was getting it right and that I was establishing myself as someone she could talk to and come to for information. There was a new spring in my step that has not faded away.<br />
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And so we had our little talk. We went somewhere pretty outside where we could just chat, listen, and learn from each other. That's what we did. She did not have a lot to say, but we held hands and held each other's gaze for longer than we have in years. I felt a whole new connection to her. Without even discussing it I could feel a new level to our relationship. All I can say to try to explain it, is that it felt like love...of course I always love her and she loves me, but this kind of love was tangible, being born and redefined in real time.<br />
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It's been a couple of days since our talk, and the feeling of new, strong connection continues. She often comes up to me now and kisses or hugs me without any words. We just smile at each other and look into each other's eyes. No explanation needed. When I lay down in bed, she finds me and snuggles with me like she used to as a baby or toddler. The feeling we have together is so strong...I am so lucky.<br />
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To think I almost missed this! To think I almost let her remain uninformed and feel alone because <b>I </b>felt insecure is a travesty. I know the feeling of puberty hitting hard and of feeling unsure of myself & unsure of how to talk to my mom. That was hard, and I don't want that for my sweet girl. I know my mom did the best she could. I know she was nervous and unsure of how to teach me...I know this because I felt that way too up until a few days ago. I'm so thankful that I've learned to question my logic or thoughts when my feeling-state is off. I'm so glad that I've learned to recognize how easy change is once I get out of my head. The confidence my daughter feels now, knowing the facts and that she can count on me, is contagious. All it took was to remember that I hold all of the answers that I ever search for...naturally and innately, like the birds & bees just know how to fly.Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-15891397988757384932011-02-14T20:16:00.000-08:002011-02-14T20:16:42.588-08:00Love and SisterhoodValentines day, and I didn't know what to write...I had decided not to write. So much of what I thought of seemed obvious. I love my husband....he is my best friend, my partner in crime & the kind of father I always wanted for my kids. My kids...there is nothing about them that isn't beautiful in my eyes. It would be an understatement to say that they define and re-define the meaning of love for me every day...they teach me about love every day.<br />
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Then something happened today that helped me remember a different side of love. If you read my last blog, you know that I recently got to know my dad again after 26 years. What you don't know is that in the midst of this, my sister and I hit a little turbulence. She is 18 months older than me and we have always been very close. We have shared the loss of connection with our dad and have been there for each other in a fierce way all of our lives.<br />
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Before my dad's visit we had a few discussions about it. It was I who had gotten back in touch with him. It was I who had made his visit a possibility. Because of this I had no expectations for my sister to be involved in the visit. However, she and I had a very heartfelt talk in which she let me know that she wanted to go to dinner with our dad and myself. She brought up the importance of us doing this together as sisters & I really liked what I heard.<br />
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Once our dad was here, she understandably got cold feet and felt very opposed to seeing him. As I listened to her on the phone I felt really disappointed, even thought I simultaneously realized that it was most important for her to do what she knew was right. So here I was with half of me supporting her in knowing what felt right, and half of me feeling angry and very let down. While my dad's visit was 100% a good thing and something I am proud of and grateful for, it was also exhausting and overwhelming. I went through an entire array of emotions during our time together, and I used up a lot of energy trying to adjust and observe myself at this time. The truth is that, I really would have liked my sisters support, so I was a bit caught up in myself.<br />
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After my dad left, I was left feeling angry and upset with my sister for much longer than I was comfortable with. I didn't know what to do, and I had a lot of ideas that felt like they were born out of insecurity. What came to me at this time was the wisdom that it was a good time to shut up and wait awhile. For that reason, I gave myself a time out and did not contact my sister for awhile. I knew in my heart that she knew how I felt and that we were both probably licking our wounds. For this reason, it was hard to stay away, but it was the right thing, also.<br />
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Our first time seeing each other since then was today, Valentines day. The idea of seeing my niece and nephew on this day was enough to tantalize me beyond my personal, insecure thinking. My sister, in her own sweet way, offered to make a delicious dinner for us...a peace offering that might be overlooked by others. Because I know my sister, I also knew that this is how she takes care of people. There were really no need for words at this point. I was so grateful that I hadn't spoken to her earlier in all of my righteousness and judgement.<br />
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On the drive to her house, I began to let some insecurities in. I was imagining what I might say to her...how I might express my disappointment while still holding on to the wisdom that<b> I</b> actually create my own experience. Obviously, no clear answers came...except that I should not have a plan. So, instead I just showed up and let my heart lead. I hugged my niece and nephew tight...I had missed them a lot during our break from each other. I also missed my sister. I realized she was sick and still cooking for me. I realized her kids had been sick and that I didn't even know that they had been struggling.<br />
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On this evening I was literally overflowing with love for her. We felt no need to talk about our dad, and there was not a lull in our conversation. What was apparent was our connection and our love for each other. It was unexpected, and therefore such a delight. I was aware that we had forgiven each other many times before, as siblings must do, but this time it felt very graceful.<br />
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I know that the insight I had to not respond to her right away was my saving grace. I'm thankful that I have somehow learned to pay attention to my own wisdom. I know that my sister and I would have survived if I had chosen to word-vomit all over her, but I am incredibly thankful that I knew better.<br />
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Here's to love...all kinds of love. You don't need romance to celebrate this day. Love is so powerful and it has many different disguises. I hope in your way that you express and experience it in a way that surprises and delights you. And to my sister, if you're reading this, I love you just the way you are!Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-64610890250554291932011-01-31T10:56:00.000-08:002011-01-31T10:56:02.870-08:00ForgivenessI believe that forgiveness is a powerful and important part of life. I know that when you forgive, you let go of all of the turmoil and negativity that you have attached to that person or event that caused you pain. Without forgiveness you keep that past alive along with all of the hard feelings and hardships. Forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for you. It also doesn't mean that you are okay with someone hurting you or that you will allow them to be a repeat offender. Forgiveness means that you have the ability to see the situation from a healthy perspective and that you are able to surrender, knowing you are not in control of other people at all. Forgiveness creates a sense of pride, a lighter heart, a sense of comfort...it also allows the person who hurt you to be impacted in a different way. This is how positivity creates a ripple effect and creates an outcome that is more beautiful than you would have imagined! This is all true, but a story may be more poignant than this explanation. So, story time....<br />
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My parents divorced when I was not yet two years old. There was domestic violence, substance abuse, and in general my parents were young and did the best they could with the resources they had. Shortly thereafter, my parents both remarried and my mom moved my sister and I out of state. Lots of fighting between my parents began over visitation. At first, we saw my dad and step-mom every summer and during the holidays. Before long, we saw him less regularly and then when I was about ten all communication with my dad stopped. This was difficult, although I knew that many kids went through it, and at least I had my sister to share the experience with.<br />
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Fast forward about nine years and you'd find me at college. I was dealing with a lot within my family of origin and I was self-destructing pretty rapidly in the party scene at school. I wanted to hurt...and I did. At this time, I decided to contact my dad. I had questions...I was curious, and I was angry. As you can imagine, the contact with my dad was tumultuous and short-lived. I was very impressed by his sorrow and regret regarding our estranged relationship, however, I could not let go of my anger at that time. I had no intention of forgiving him. I certainly contributed to this failed attempt to know my dad. I remember asking him why he hit my mom and he said that it wasn't that bad, because he never used a closed fist. I was mortified and disappointed. I vowed to never talk to him again. As you can imagine, my path to self-destruction became more serious.<br />
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Fast forward another decade or so and I was doing much better. I was married with a sweet daughter and my darling son on the way. My husband...my best friend...and I were taking good care of each other, and I was beginning to learn how to take good care of myself. This is when my sister and I got the phone call that I was always nervous about receiving. My uncle was on the line letting us know that our dad had suffered a major heart attack and was in the hospital in critical condition. My heart sank as his struggled to keep him alive. Was this really how my story with my dad would end? I was overwhelmed and not able to go visit him. My sister and I decided to send flowers...a decision that I knew was wrong. I felt disappointed in myself and I knew that somewhere inside of me there must be more courage. I could not find forgiveness.<br />
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After this, there was no more contact with my uncle. My sister and I were left not knowing if he had survived or what his health was like. I hoped in my heart that I would have been contacted if there was a funeral, but the not-knowing was something that was always hard for me.<br />
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At this time, I began to focus on myself in a whole new way. I was learning things in graduate school that I am passionate about, AND I stumbled upon The Principles of Mind, Thought and Consciousness. This is what really began to transform me into a happier person, a wiser person, a better mom, a more fulfilled wife, a courageous daughter and a trailblazer for my sister. All of a sudden one day, with this healthier outlook, not knowing my dad didn't make sense anymore. I found myself writing him a letter. I can remember that I had no expectations and now attachment to our past. I had the sole purpose of reaching out to him in order to express peace and forgiveness. I wanted him to know that I thought about him often and that when I did I always thought of him with kindness. Without a second thought, I mailed it, and I felt sure that nothing would come of it. The letter was really for me. I was not attached at all to any outcome. I felt so good! I knew I was following my instincts and the most peaceful feelings came over me.<br />
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What happened next truly illustrates the power of forgiveness. My dad and I became pen-pals. We sent each other photos and got to know each other. Because of what I had understood about The Principles, I didn't let our conversations on the phone or in our letters be about the past, and I quickly stopped the guilt and shame that my dad felt the need to express. In addition, my mother was supportive and very proud of me. It hit me right in the heart to see that she could put her personal thinking aside in order to support me in something that was so important to me. My sister also benefited from my act of bravery...this is the ripple effect that forgiveness creates! She is not ready herself to know our dad, but she has been thrilled to read my letters, see the photos of him, and hear all about her dad.<br />
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The ending of this story is not really the ending at all, but it is beautiful. Last week, my dad came to visit. The man I thought I'd never know was right here in my living room. My kids know their grandpa...and they love him. My dad looks like me and my kids look like him. My heart is full and I am so proud of myself. The visit was overwhelming and we were all nervous, but it was probably one of the most amazing things that I've created just simply by having a healthy mindset. It was so fun to learn about my dad, my step-mom & step-brothers, my grandparents, and cousins. It was also really cool to see how, even though we missed out on a big chunk of each others lives, we actually knew each other quite well on a deeper level. At the end of the trip we were both exhausted, but full of joy. He let me know that he is proud of me and that he loves me. I didn't know how good this would feel, but I can tell you that I am choked up even now as I type. This feeling of forgiveness was the start to something so extraordinary. A family was reunited, and it all came from knowing about The Principles so that forgiveness made sense, while holding a grudge became senseless.<br />
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Who can you forgive in your life? Who can you see as innocent rather than guilty? We're all spinning around on this earth together & I urge you to remember how much we are all alike, rather than focusing on the issues from the past that pull us apart. I guarantee you that beautiful things await you when you find yourself in the feeling of forgiveness. Don't be afraid to take that leap of faith!Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-51508358601354727152011-01-17T19:59:00.000-08:002011-01-17T19:59:12.716-08:00The Wisdom of Martin Luther King, Jr.Martin Luther King Jr. has long been one of the few historical figures whom I've always felt an intense respect for. Even as a child, I can remember fighting back the tears in class as I learned of him. I was in awe of how beautifully he spoke with such a combination of grace and power. His courage and unwavering non-violence got my attention, and inspired me. He served as a much needed role-model for me at one time. Now, although I have stopped searching for guidance outside of myself, MLK Jr. remains a most enlightened and wise person whom I am encouraged by to this day.<br />
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I have chosen four of my favorite quotes from this lovely man. Each one convinces me that MLK Jr. had an understanding of The Principles. I am aware, of course, that he knew nothing of "The Three Principles" as I am speaking of, but he knew about their essence. These quotes I've chosen seem to speak to the insights and/or experience that I've had as I've come to understand <i>mind, thought, & consciousness</i>. <br />
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<b>"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."</b><br />
Sometimes, this is the hardest part. Faith...having faith in something because you feel it. Many would not consider it. Others take a path of carefully planned tests of faith. In this way, they never really have to notice their fearful thinking or control issues. It is only for the brave and courageous of us, to leap into the unknown because we feel it is the right thing to do. I say, "not guts, no glory". How can you get what you want when you do not go for it with your actions? <br />
To much time is spent by to many of us doing "what is right" or "what we're supposed to." It stops the masses from experiencing and realizing that when you follow the insights from your own <i>mind</i>, you are absolutely on the right path. Things like prosperity, abundance, success, etc will come with it...not everything can or should be planned. I promise you...but that doesn't matter, you'll have to just take the first step of faith.<br />
<u>A story</u>: In my work as a counselor I was very insecure and nervous about teaching The Principles to my clients at first. I knew in my own life, that this understanding had opened me up to a different kind of existence where I had clarity, peace of mind, and a new-found excitement for life. So, it wasn't a question of whether I believed that The Principles could help those who came to me for relief. Instead, I was focused on my supervisors and colleagues...paperwork and meetings...expectations and personal insecurities. I gradually began to discuss <i>mind, though & consciousness<b> </b></i>with some of my clients. The results were similar to the ones that I had felt personally. Soon, I found myself at a cross-roads. I either needed to focus on The Principles 100%, which was what my <i>mind</i> was telling me to do, or I'd have to settle for less than what felt right in my work. I'm proud to say that I took that leap of the faith and I am continuing to do so today. Regardless of whatever insecurities my personal <i>thinking</i> can conjure up, I am not focusing on that. Instead I am starting my own business, marketing myself to people I used to be intimidated by, and enjoying the ride! I don't need to know where the ride will take me anymore...I'm too busy enjoying it!<br />
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<b>"The time is always right to do what is right."</b><br />
This is so simple...so true. For me this quote speaks to <i>consciousness</i>. <i>Consciousness</i> refers to your awareness. The point is that, you always have your <i>mind</i> guiding you and giving you answers and insights that are valuable and perfect for you. There is now technique or way to tap into your <i>mind</i>, but there is a connection between it and your ability to be aware in the moment without personal <i>thought</i> distracting you. <i>Consciousness</i> has levels and you move through them all of the time. When you are at a high level of <i>consciousness </i>you may feel creative, in the zone or flow, in the now, clarity, quiet, etc. When you are at a low level of <i>consciousness</i> you may feel overwhelmed, caught up in your <i>thinking</i>, stressed, frustrated, detached, etc. It seems that MLK Jr. must ave lived in a pretty consistent state of high <i>consciousness</i>, because it is in this state that one can not only see what is right, but also give others the courage to see it for themselves. <br />
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<b>"Occasionally in life there are those moments of unutterable fulfillment which cannot be completely explained by those symbols called words. Their meanings can only be articulated by the inaudible language of the heart."</b><br />
This is stated so eloquently that I can barely dare to comment. So much of the power behind gaining an understanding of <i>mind, thought, & consciousness</i><br />
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<b>"If we are to go forward, we must go back and rediscover those precious values-that all reality hinges on moral foundations and that all reality has spiritual control."</b><br />
To me this is a way of pointing out how we are all connected. We all share these same Principles, that explain our experience of our reality. I very rarely speak about The Principles in spiritual terms, although I am fully aware of their spiritual nature. This is because I have a natural connection in my brain between religion and spirituality. I also have some negative memories related to religion, so the whole picture has the potential to get skewed for me. However, I do believe in my own spiritual existence and I do know that there are many things that I cannot explain, yet I don't need to, because they are simply true to me. I see this truth in myself, in others, in animals, in all of us. <br />
According to MLK Jr. we are to go back to the simplest ideas of goodness. To me this is what we all are at our essence. We all have something that I'm calling <i>mind</i>, but you can call it whatever you want. How else, but in spiritual terms, can you explain something that we all have innate and equal access to, that gives us insights and direction in life...if only we listen. This is not intelligence, retained knowledge, or memories. This is something that is bigger than us, yet it is us...it is ours and every one's.<b> </b>It is mystical, and beautiful...and if MLK Jr. couldn't define it with perfect clarity for you, than I'm not even going to try!<br />
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Here's to the late Martin Luther King Jr...may we all be encouraged to have faith, do what's right, and believe in that which no words can describe.Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-44865642534724178782011-01-03T19:10:00.000-08:002011-01-03T19:10:36.408-08:00It's NOT Positive ThinkingIt's been a while since my last blog...the holidays were much to rich to sit in front of a laptop. We even celebrated a birth in our family! Such a gift to hold a new, sweet baby! <br />
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The holidays gave me a chance to visit with family. In my family, I suppose because I'm a counselor...no I can't say that...it's been true since I could speak, I am the one people go to for advice. The graduate degree just makes it official now. <br />
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I've found that my understanding of <i>mind, thought </i>&<i> consciousness</i> has been ongoing, and has had a ripple effect on those around me. In the crazy spin of things, my family of origin has been last to feel the ripple. I've struggled most to speak to them clearly about my understanding. I believe that this is because they really matter to me...I want them so badly to hear beyond my words that I focus on the outcome. The result is that I am not listening...and then I feel insecure (or is it the other way around?). <br />
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While "home" for the holidays I began to notice that I was really enjoying the process of advice giving. I was really good at hearing a complex question and boiling it down to the simplest terms by my understanding of <i>mind, thought </i>&<i> consciousness</i>. I was having quite a good time being the professional know-it-all! <br />
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As I observed myself, I realized this sense of grandeur. Translation, I was off the mark! I sat up in bed....the bed I had grown up in...thinking about what I really wanted to say to these family members. It was something like, "You know more than you give yourself credit. What do you think?". <br />
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So, the next night with my mom, the perfect moment came my way. She said she wondered if there was any hope for teens who had experienced serious and/or ongoing trauma. I wanted to yell out, <i>"Of course! Each of us has the power to be well...as our birthright! The past is only alive in our thinking! Haven't you been listening?"</i> :) Instead, I asked her what she thought. A nice conversation followed, in which I pointed out her <i>mind</i> and how she already depends on it for guidance.<br />
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Soon after my trip, she texted me a couple of cute things about positive thinking. It was clear to me that she was on the right track, but that she was missing something key. I knew this, because it was familiar to me...I, too, once thought <i>The Principles</i> were about controlling the matter of your thinking. It's an easy pitfall, but I couldn't find the words at first to put her back on the right path. That's why I love texting...a non-reply is okay for a while!<br />
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(I love this next part!) As I sat to write my blog today, I felt unsure of what exactly to discuss. I did what I often do, which is to pull a book out from my <i>Principles</i> library, flip to any page, and read for inspiration. Today I chose <u>Our True Identity...Three Principles</u> by Elsie Spittle.<br />
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And I read, <i>"Please understand the process is not about controlling thought. It is about realizing that you are the thinker. Realizing this allows you to be more an observer of behavior, yours and others, without becoming attached to the behavior."</i><br />
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Brilliant! Exactly! This is what I was doing with my own thinking when I realized that I needed to listen to my family members and help them tap into their <i>mind</i>. This was also what I was unable to put into words to help my mom differentiate <i>The Principles</i> from positive thinking. Aw, now if that wasn't an insight, I don't know what is! <br />
Gotta go...texting my mom now! :) Enjoy your observations of yourself and others in this hopeful 2011!Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-76740806748511652492010-11-22T13:20:00.000-08:002010-11-22T13:20:07.030-08:00Today and Yesterday: A Thanksgiving ChallengeThe mystics and wise people of today and yesterday often speak of the <i>now</i>. Admittedly, I have found myself annoyed by this concept in the past. I agree, that a clear mind brings you into the <i>now</i>, but no one was ever really explaining how to get a clear mind...or what a clear mind was. I practiced meditation, yoga, read books, found time to be surrounded by nature, observed my kids...all were <i>sometimes</i> beneficial, but I still felt uncertain. Then I learned of Mr. Sydney Banks: <br />
<blockquote>"When such people refer to the <i>now</i>, they mean the <i>personal mind</i> is free from the contaminants of yesterday's memories and fears...In clearing our minds, we may have to give up something to receive something." </blockquote>And, of course, Dr. Roger Mills:<br />
<blockquote> "If we dwell on the past, these thoughts become our outlook, our self esteem, our self-image, <i>now</i>. Negative thoughts from the past only harm us when we allow them to create interference. Drop the attachment to ingrained habits of thinking."</blockquote>Like all wise souls, these two spoke of the same thing, and even completed the others statements. For me, what they did is offer me clarity and the realization that I am in total control of my experience. At first this information is scary, and I admit that I took baby steps initially. I only allowed myself so much enlightenment at a time! It quickly became clear to me that I must take a real leap of faith...and then another, and another...if my goal was harmony, well being, peace of mind, fabulous parenting, etc.<br />
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In my life, dropping my ingrained thinking involved the idea of forgiveness and even empathy for people who had hurt me in the past. I did it (and continue to do so) quite naturally and with ease and even grace at times! This happened, because I know that my negative thinking and fixed grip on the past only hurts me. It makes me miss what is real right <i>now</i> & it makes me feel upset regardless of what is true <i>now</i>. <br />
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Dropping old thinking also required me to take full responsibility for my experience in life. I simply cannot be hurt by people in the same way that I was before I understood my own thinking. I so much more quickly, find my wisdom and am able to have a new perspective. My ways of functioning yesterday are not good enough today. <br />
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Ask yourself how often you spend each day thinking about hardships of the past or calling up old memories that are hard to tolerate? How often does this type of thinking allow you to create new fears or negativity for your future? When was the last time you allowed your five senses to notice the <i>now</i>? <br />
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This Thanksgiving is a perfect opportunity to look around at what you are thankful for. Take it all in...taste it, see it, smell it, feel it, hear it. If you find yourself in thoughts from the past or worries of the future, simply remind yourself that you got here by your own thoughts...you trusted a thought you should have ignored. Distract yourself, and zoom you'll be back to the <i>now</i>!Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-87072116708086993712010-11-05T15:36:00.000-07:002010-11-05T15:36:33.054-07:00For Parents: teaching and learning from your childrenChildren are the best teachers. For them it's so simple. They just see things from such a clear vantage point. A beautiful example of this came this morning. My daughter is almost 10 and she has been showing the early tell-tale signs of hormone surges. She becomes rude and sassy, but is also sensitive and easily hurt. We've been talking about it a lot...I've been trying to listen carefully. <br />
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This morning, it happened...the tide was high (to quote Blondie). She remained angry and on edge on the walk to school. I listened and told her I loved her...I asked her to be in charge of how seriously she was taking her own thinking. I pointed out examples of where her perception did not match the facts of the morning events. Still, she glared at me and fought back tears.<br />
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As we entered the school hallway, I began to be flooded with guilty thoughts as I saw all of the other happy children with their parents. Maybe I was favoring my son that morning? Maybe I am too strict? Maybe I was to blame for the entire mood of the family? Then it happened...hallway magic...the greatest experience.<br />
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A new friend of my daughter's said hello with a ginormous smile. You could feel behind her words how much she loved my daughter and how excited she was to see her. Contagiously, my daughter, son and myself were all smiling and feeling much better...in an instant. My daughter said hello back, and her voice sounded different. I looked at her...she was beaming. Her smile was bright, sincere, and in all parts of her face. They made plans to play at recess. With that, we all walked on happily...holding hands, and looking very much like the other families I had observed in the halls. <br />
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I should have known what my daughter needed...what we all needed was a distraction for our senses. I know enough about thought to know that there's always a new one around the corner, and when you feel bad it's time to drop the old and try on the new. I was just working really hard to make my daughter see the logic in this and act accordingly. That was exhausting and unsuccessful. Instead, her sweet friend gave her a new thought to consider. Like that...natural...no work needed. <br />
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Here's the thing that got me thinking...thinking about an idea I had often while in graduate school when certain diagnoses were discussed. This new friend of my daughter's is considered "special needs." This is the PC term & I got to thinking about it while walking home. To me this girl was clearly special. She lit my daughter up like Christmas morning. I was sure that she had a most beautiful effect on all who crossed her path. Yet, this society has dubbed her as someone who needs special things. <br />
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<b>Is there something wrong with her, or is there something wrong with a society which cannot accept this child just as she is?</b><br />
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I say, that we've got it wrong. We <b>adults</b> have it wrong. The children accept each other openly and see each other's strengths. We put labels on someone. We drag our feet, refusing to open our minds, rather than bridging the gap. We forget that we are all connected and that we all have the fundamentals in common. It is something to consider for each of us. How often have you made decisions about a person based on fear, lack of information, or just based on habitual thinking? How often have you made decisions based on feelings of compassion, understanding, joy? Which process felt better?<br />
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I would like to thank my daughter for teaching me, once again, and in her own perfect way. I would like to thank my son for skipping along and holding my hand as he always does. AND, I would like to thank my daughter's new friend for being just like she is. She reminded me of some very important lessons today.Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8421283646199412084.post-61011626002178589792010-10-11T13:04:00.000-07:002010-10-11T13:04:16.137-07:00HeroThis is THE story. The story of a woman who was one a girl. <br />
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As a girl, she was happy...carefree would be the best adjective. She was aware of the hardships...they were real, but she always found joy...she naturally found joy.<br />
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Of course, there were scars. Her father's coldness...so much inappropriateness. Her real dad's non-involvement. Her mother's dissolve-ment...what her dissolve meant. <br />
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Teenage years...painful, confusing. Lonely in a crowd. Everything seemed to hurt her...she seemed to hurt everyone.<br />
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She tried it all...self destruction, addictions, self-help. Still, no relief...no faith in herself or anyone else. Misunderstood & misunderstandings.<br />
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She left the country to find something, maybe herself. This was a good beginning...she needed to take better care. Time to come up for air...time to open up eyes closed tight. Time to see that the wall was not serving its purpose.<br />
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Change...change...change. Good and difficult. A new scene on the outside and a new look at the inside. A new family that she chose...a marriage..children...a love nest.<br />
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Still, not sure she could handle all that may come her way in this life. Still not calm and not navigating with ease. Still sure she was missing something...missing something she used to love.<br />
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Who knows why we do some things? For her, graduate school was the path that lead her to where her heart as already familiar. One class...ONE...in all three years of graduate school...held all the answers and reassurance for which she had searched high and low, long and far. <br />
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Her educator, <b>her hero</b>, came in the form of a jolly, brilliant, warm professor. <b>Dr Roger Mills</b>...the wisest man she had ever heard. The lightest her heart had felt for decades...the best feelings of home within the walls of a dingy, old classroom.<br />
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He spoke of inner wisdom...its buoyancy and reliability. He spoke of thinking...a powerful gift, not to be taken to seriously. <i>"Keep it simple"</i> he'd say with a chuckle. He spoke of levels of awareness and each person's ability to reach new experiences. <br />
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The girl knew instantly that she had found all she had looked for behind this man's words. She knew her security had been hers all the time. She knew that her old way of getting by was no longer good enough. She felt excited by life, by her children. Life was all new.<br />
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Suddenly, so many choices. Such a relief to count on yourself and know what a powerful effect you have on your own experience. <br />
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Now, well, now...this woman <i>"finds the joy in the unknown, rather than the fear."</i> Now all who are around her benefit from the love she carries with her...they feel it, hear it, see it.<br />
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Sadly, her <b>hero</b> passed on. She misses him, cherishes all of their moments together. He is still her <b>hero</b>. He still lives on in her. She hears him and sees him in her minds eye quite regularly.<br />
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Sometimes, while driving, she becomes full of thoughts of him and his family. She finds herself smiling and experiences the greatest warmth. The absence of his physical body has changed nothing about his effect.<br />
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This is true, you see, because there is something...something in each of us that is greater than us. Some call it <i>spirituality</i>, others <i>the soul</i>. She calls it <i>wisdom</i>. Call it whatever you want, for you have free will of your own, but the existence of this thing is not to be overlooked regardless of what verbiage you use.<br />
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The existence of this great wisdom, which we all have equal access to, is behind all great things then, now, and into the future. The existence of this allows us to say goodbye to a <b>hero</b>, without losing them. Wisdom Life Coachinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02937325673577340644noreply@blogger.com3