Children are the best teachers. For them it's so simple. They just see things from such a clear vantage point. A beautiful example of this came this morning. My daughter is almost 10 and she has been showing the early tell-tale signs of hormone surges. She becomes rude and sassy, but is also sensitive and easily hurt. We've been talking about it a lot...I've been trying to listen carefully.
This morning, it happened...the tide was high (to quote Blondie). She remained angry and on edge on the walk to school. I listened and told her I loved her...I asked her to be in charge of how seriously she was taking her own thinking. I pointed out examples of where her perception did not match the facts of the morning events. Still, she glared at me and fought back tears.
As we entered the school hallway, I began to be flooded with guilty thoughts as I saw all of the other happy children with their parents. Maybe I was favoring my son that morning? Maybe I am too strict? Maybe I was to blame for the entire mood of the family? Then it happened...hallway magic...the greatest experience.
A new friend of my daughter's said hello with a ginormous smile. You could feel behind her words how much she loved my daughter and how excited she was to see her. Contagiously, my daughter, son and myself were all smiling and feeling much better...in an instant. My daughter said hello back, and her voice sounded different. I looked at her...she was beaming. Her smile was bright, sincere, and in all parts of her face. They made plans to play at recess. With that, we all walked on happily...holding hands, and looking very much like the other families I had observed in the halls.
I should have known what my daughter needed...what we all needed was a distraction for our senses. I know enough about thought to know that there's always a new one around the corner, and when you feel bad it's time to drop the old and try on the new. I was just working really hard to make my daughter see the logic in this and act accordingly. That was exhausting and unsuccessful. Instead, her sweet friend gave her a new thought to consider. Like that...natural...no work needed.
Here's the thing that got me thinking...thinking about an idea I had often while in graduate school when certain diagnoses were discussed. This new friend of my daughter's is considered "special needs." This is the PC term & I got to thinking about it while walking home. To me this girl was clearly special. She lit my daughter up like Christmas morning. I was sure that she had a most beautiful effect on all who crossed her path. Yet, this society has dubbed her as someone who needs special things.
Is there something wrong with her, or is there something wrong with a society which cannot accept this child just as she is?
I say, that we've got it wrong. We adults have it wrong. The children accept each other openly and see each other's strengths. We put labels on someone. We drag our feet, refusing to open our minds, rather than bridging the gap. We forget that we are all connected and that we all have the fundamentals in common. It is something to consider for each of us. How often have you made decisions about a person based on fear, lack of information, or just based on habitual thinking? How often have you made decisions based on feelings of compassion, understanding, joy? Which process felt better?
I would like to thank my daughter for teaching me, once again, and in her own perfect way. I would like to thank my son for skipping along and holding my hand as he always does. AND, I would like to thank my daughter's new friend for being just like she is. She reminded me of some very important lessons today.
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