This is THE story. The story of a woman who was one a girl.
As a girl, she was happy...carefree would be the best adjective. She was aware of the hardships...they were real, but she always found joy...she naturally found joy.
Of course, there were scars. Her father's coldness...so much inappropriateness. Her real dad's non-involvement. Her mother's dissolve-ment...what her dissolve meant.
Teenage years...painful, confusing. Lonely in a crowd. Everything seemed to hurt her...she seemed to hurt everyone.
She tried it all...self destruction, addictions, self-help. Still, no relief...no faith in herself or anyone else. Misunderstood & misunderstandings.
She left the country to find something, maybe herself. This was a good beginning...she needed to take better care. Time to come up for air...time to open up eyes closed tight. Time to see that the wall was not serving its purpose.
Change...change...change. Good and difficult. A new scene on the outside and a new look at the inside. A new family that she chose...a marriage..children...a love nest.
Still, not sure she could handle all that may come her way in this life. Still not calm and not navigating with ease. Still sure she was missing something...missing something she used to love.
Who knows why we do some things? For her, graduate school was the path that lead her to where her heart as already familiar. One class...ONE...in all three years of graduate school...held all the answers and reassurance for which she had searched high and low, long and far.
Her educator, her hero, came in the form of a jolly, brilliant, warm professor. Dr Roger Mills...the wisest man she had ever heard. The lightest her heart had felt for decades...the best feelings of home within the walls of a dingy, old classroom.
He spoke of inner wisdom...its buoyancy and reliability. He spoke of thinking...a powerful gift, not to be taken to seriously. "Keep it simple" he'd say with a chuckle. He spoke of levels of awareness and each person's ability to reach new experiences.
The girl knew instantly that she had found all she had looked for behind this man's words. She knew her security had been hers all the time. She knew that her old way of getting by was no longer good enough. She felt excited by life, by her children. Life was all new.
Suddenly, so many choices. Such a relief to count on yourself and know what a powerful effect you have on your own experience.
Now, well, now...this woman "finds the joy in the unknown, rather than the fear." Now all who are around her benefit from the love she carries with her...they feel it, hear it, see it.
Sadly, her hero passed on. She misses him, cherishes all of their moments together. He is still her hero. He still lives on in her. She hears him and sees him in her minds eye quite regularly.
Sometimes, while driving, she becomes full of thoughts of him and his family. She finds herself smiling and experiences the greatest warmth. The absence of his physical body has changed nothing about his effect.
This is true, you see, because there is something...something in each of us that is greater than us. Some call it spirituality, others the soul. She calls it wisdom. Call it whatever you want, for you have free will of your own, but the existence of this thing is not to be overlooked regardless of what verbiage you use.
The existence of this great wisdom, which we all have equal access to, is behind all great things then, now, and into the future. The existence of this allows us to say goodbye to a hero, without losing them.
